Will Josh Gad Please Stop Buying Up My Community’s Real Estate?
By Brian Walsh
It would seem that BTVA People's Choice Voice Acting Award Winner Josh Gad has once again graced my life with constant psychological and emotional torment. Now, I am not one to tell other people what they should and shouldn’t do with the money they’ve earned from voicing a snowman in animated motion pictures. And I understand that Mr. Gad must have a good amount of extra cash to throw around on frivolous enterprises. But still I must request: Josh Gad, please stop buying real estate in my community. Please stop raising the value of said real estate up to the absurdly unaffordable. Just please leave my life, OK?
What could you possibly be using all of this property for? In my attempts to breach the chain link fences now surrounding each of the eight (yes, eight!) ranch-style homes you have purchased in the local suburban area, I have been met with hostile resistance from malicious guard dogs and what appears to be some form of privately owned militia. These structures were built for families, Josh. They were NOT built to serve as heavily armed bases for ground warfare.
I’ll tell ya, Josh. The people of my community are not gonna take this lying down. If it’s war you want, my neighbors are ready to fight to the death for their affordable, unarmed local real estate. We’re gonna come into your homes, take back what’s ours, and show you exactly what happens you establish a military base in a suburban community.
Also you’ll pay for those noisy late-night parties. Oh, and those times you hit me with your fucking car.