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  • The Bathroom Break

Stunning: Senator Lindsey Graham Reveals His Tips For Achieving that Smooth, Cherubic Glow

By Kevin Brown

Lindsey Graham, who’s currently serving as the senior Senator from South Carolina, has emerged in the last few years as one of President Trump’s staunchest allies. However, you wouldn’t know that his job is to literally enable the erosion of Democracy for his own political expediency by the look of his porcelain, glow-from-within skin. Senator Graham recently gave us the exclusive step-by-step guide of how he maintains that elegant Boss Baby aesthetic.

Senator Graham commented that he sees each day as a fresh start from the day prior. To achieve this look, Graham soaks for three hours every night in a custom made aquatic tank filled with over 450 Red Garra fish. The fish proceed to eat his entire top layer of skin, leaving him both refreshed and incredibly raw. Graham follows this with a relaxing mineral scrub followed by another three hours suspended upside down in a makeshift cocoon made of silk with a vaseline coated interior.

This is then followed by a healthy breakfast consisting mainly of lean proteins and a cup of coffee. “I don’t feel like I can function without a good cup of joe” he confessed to us. He further mentioned that his lean protein of choice for breakfast is the Red Garra. Graham routinely eats somewhere between 60 to 95 for breakfast each morning, plucking them randomly from his skin cleansing tank. He believes this not only prevents their numbers from getting too large, but also keeps them afraid of him enough to not totally devour him during one of his morning soaks.

Finally, Senator Graham applies a physical sunscreen with zinc to protect his skin during the day. He doesn’t recommend using a chemical based sunscreen, as those tend to conflict with moisturizers, rendering both of them possibly useless. This, along with a coat of varnish for that luminous appearance, is all you need to achieve that Lindsey Graham look we all love so much.

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