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“Social Distancing” Perfected? This Dad Went Out for Cigarettes and Never Returned!


By Brian Walsh


With health officials around America recommending that people observe “social distancing” in order to curb the spread of COVID-19, it’s been wondered just what the optimal form of “social distancing” is? Is it merely avoiding physical contact? Dining in instead of going out to a restaurant? How about abandoning your wife and family entirely to let the rat bastards rot?

That’s what this Long Island father did!


Claiming he was merely going on an ordinary outing to acquire a pack of cigarettes from the local 7-Eleven, David Gorman has not been seen or heard by his immediate family for several days.


Mrs. Eleanor Gorman had this to say: “Honestly, it was to be expected. I don’t think this has anything to do with a virus, likely it’s that David is a horrid, miserable man belonging to a long lineage of horrid, miserable men. If anyone deserves to die of an advanced flu virus, it would be my absent husband.”


The three Gorman children seemed to unanimously agree with their mother. “I know he’s still active on Facebook,” remarked a droll Kayla Gorman. “He still really loves reposting coronavirus memes about how it shares the name of a beer. I am so glad he’s out of our lives.”


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