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  • The Bathroom Break

Slumbering Ancient One at Thanksgiving Prophesied to Awaken and Feast

By Brian Walsh

An ordinary Thanksgiving day for the Peterson household has become potentially uncomfortable with the unexpected arrival of long estranged relative Grandpap Jim. “Jim”, after saying his hellos and providing basic pleasantries, promptly fell into a deep slumber on the reclining chair in the living. Having sought the counsel of a local town Oracle, the Peterson family has learned that this Ancient One (presently sleeping in the living room) is foretold to awaken within the next hour. And he is hungry.

“Fortunately, we are well prepared,” matriarch Suzie Peterson told reporters. “We have the cranberries sauced, the corn cobbed, and every conceivable kind of animal meat cooked and stuffed. If this can’t satiate my soon-to-awaken father to the point that it induces food coma, nothing will.”

Peterson children James and Lucy are excited to see their Grandpap finally wake from his nearly two hour nap. “I drew him a race car.” James beamed. Lucy was keen on witnessing her Grandpap’s skills with the blade: “The old man carves turkey meat with the deft hands of a heart surgeon. It’s beautiful to behold.”

Ken Peterson is nervous about Grandpap’s resurgence for various reasons. “He doesn’t like me,” he said as he dumped out a can of cranberry sauce with a squelch. “And I mean, he REALLY doesn’t like me…” Follow Brian on Twitter!

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