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“I Just Want to Write About Real People and Things” Says Guy Who Does Nothing and Talks to No One


By Kevin Brown


Brooklyn resident Kyle Reid announced on Monday that he plans on finally bunkering down and writing the novel he’s been planning for the last three years. The announcement came about while Kyle was trying to impress the patently disinterested barista at the coffee shop on his street. “I just want to write about real people and real things. Capture the truth of their experiences, like a perfect encapsulation of what it means to be alive right now,” he told her, despite reputable sources claiming he both hates people and does nothing.


“Oh, he can write?” said Claire, Kyle’s coworker. “That’s not a dig or anything, I swear, I just know literally nothing about him. We’ve worked together for probably 4 years now and I know shockingly little about him. That’s cool though!”


Kyle’s roommate of several years, Seymour Atkins, was similarly surprised by the news. He said, “Fantasy I could understand, like he’s read the Lord of the Rings and Game of Thrones and all that stuff I’m pretty sure. A character drama though? I don’t know, don’t you need to actually interact with people to understand how people work?”


Kyle hasn’t let his critics get to him though, and plans on cancelling the few social interactions he’s actually agreed to in order to dedicate his full time towards the book.


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