By Kevin Brown
1) Challenge yourself!: Really try to stretch the definition of “reasonable complaint.” For example, does your significant other consume food and dare to do so in a way where their mouth makes even a decibel of sound? Outrageous! Drag their ass in the middle of whatever Chili’s or Denny’s you’re currently in and make sure to mention how much they embarrass you.
2) Don’t be afraid to try new things: What’s something you’ve always wanted to do as a couple? Kayaking? Vacationing in Rome? These fun little pipe dreams during the early stages of your relationship will make great hollow attempts at salvaging this shipwreck. As this becomes more apparent to both of you, the fights will follow faster than either of you can say “I’m going to have to ask you both to settle down or leave.”
3) Lying (occasionally) is fine: Lying is something that will happen eventually in every healthy relationship...But, like, how much does “occasionally” really mean? Well you’re definitely gonna figure that out when you meet your significant other’s friends and family. This should yield at least 13 new things to hate them for. That’ll take you till November at least!
4) Try bringing a third into the mix: A waiter at the diner you’re at. A random person sitting across from you on the train. Any one of your mutual friends. Bringing a third, while taboo to say the least, is a fun and interesting way to keep your fights spicy and add some variety. You’ll be amazed what a new introduction can bring, or two ;).
Follow these steps and I guarantee, you and your S/O will be the worst people wherever you go. Happy arguing!
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