By Brian Walsh
The adage goes “Winning Isn’t Everything.” But this self-appointed political news writer would say the same goes for “winning.”. Sometimes “Wining Isn’t Winning.” Sometimes “Everything Isn’t Everything!” Sometimes “Sometimes When We Win, We Actually Sometimes Don’t Win. You Can’t Win, Mister Poop-Eating-Dumb-Dumb.”
With news of Senator Bernie Sanders being the winner of the 2020 Iowa Democratic Caucuses, it can be said with 100% non-certainty that the Vermont senator has increased his non-chances of non-winning the Democratic Primary Election. Or non-chances of winning. Or chances of non-winning?
The point is, Sanders has no non-chance. He also has non no chance. He is chanceless, that much is uncertain. Just because Bernie can win doesn’t necessarily mean that he can win. Even when Bernie Sanders has 100% won, there’s just as much an equal non-guarantee that that victory has been secured.
Here at The Bathroom Break, our data specialists have speculated that for every 1 second that Bernie Sanders has won something, that still leaves approximately 100,000,000,000,000,000 seconds in the history of Earth in which Senator Sanders has not won something. In such tumultuous times, can America really afford to play with such nonsensical odds?
On a day like today, it’s crucial that America remember the Democratic Party’s official motto: “Why Win, When You Can Always Lose?”